Kink-Shaming & Sexual Autonomy

I thought about this while musing this morning on the blog.
I spoke about rape culture, consent and as I thought about the insidious nature of rape culture, I thought about the devil’s advocate response to that logic. Inevitabily, people bring up things like 50 Shades of Grey, and this ‘rough sex’ culture. Even with the veil of rape culture, how it supervises intimacy, you see it spill over into a bedrooms.
What do I mean?
It means as a woman, your desires, if they happen to be dark or out of the norm (in this case BDSM), your desire for social fairness (i.e. autonomy and ownership of your own body) is seen as a juxtaposition. It is seen not to be possible to be into what you’re into and still want autonomy of your body and heart.
Rather than grant that type of freedom, it is easier to bash what you like.
Dude. There is no winning. There really is no winning.
Sex is one of those things that will always provoke and evoke hidden things in your relationship. Always. Don’t debate me on this. You, as a woman, as a man, can like what you like. If you are with someone who is into the same thing, even better! If you have a relationship that offers sexual exploration, with saftety and free of judgement, you got yourself a winner.
Just because you’re a Dom, doesn’t mean all women belong ot you. Consent is still a thing.

Just because you’re a sub/kitten/pet, doesn’t mean you are to treated as if you have to be available to every man, and should deal with ill treatment. (This is not a BDSM blog, and if you want to know more about that, have at it, beloved.)

You can fight and denounce rape culture and patriarchal mistreatment and still have a Daddy or a Dom. Ask me how I know…

I thought about this while musing this morning on the blog.
I spoke about rape culture, consent and as I thought about the insidious nature of rape culture, I thought about the devil’s advocate response to that logic. Inevitabily, people bring up things like 50 Shades of Grey, and this ‘rough sex’ culture. Even with the veil of rape culture, how it supervises intimacy, you see it spill over into a bedrooms.
What do I mean?
It means as a woman, your desires, if they happen to be dark or out of the norm (in this case BDSM), your desire for social fairness (i.e. autonomy and ownership of your own body) is seen as a juxtaposition. It is seen not to be possible to be into what you’re into and still want autonomy of your body and heart.
Rather than grant that type of freedom, it is easier to bash what you like.
Dude. There is no winning. There really is no winning.
Sex is one of those things that will always provoke and evoke hidden things in your relationship. Always. Don’t debate me on this. You, as a woman, as a man, can like what you like. If you are with someone who is into the same thing, even better! If you have a relationship that offers sexual exploration, with safety and free of judgement, you got yourself a winner.
Just because you’re a Dom, doesn’t mean all women belong to you. Consent is still a thing.

Just because you’re a sub/kitten/pet, doesn’t mean you are to treated as if you have to be available to every man, and should deal with ill treatment. (This is not a BDSM blog, and if you want to know more about that, have at it, beloved.)

You can fight and denounce rape culture and patriarchal mistreatment and still have a Daddy or a Dom. Ask me how I know…

[originally  written 9/5/2018]