I am 37. I will be 38 in five months and fifteen days.
As of this year, I am two years away from 40. I am at the age where most of the world thinks I begin to max out. And to be honest? I have a fear of that. I have a fear I’m running out a clock!
My grandmother died at 84. In 2 years I’m at the halfway point of life and that is frightening to me. Then, I had this thought.
“Your own self is such a treasure.”
This is a quote from the utterly phenomenal Phylicia Ayers Allen Rashad.
In 2018, Phylicia Rashad turned 70. I began to think of my own mortality. I thought about what all she had seen, thought and began to think about my own life. I thought about what I had lived through and what I had to look forward to.
Ageism is discrimination on the basis of age. Moreover, it is the admitting that society doesn’t even know what to do with people of a certain age–especially women.
This society loves everything sleeker, younger, faster, prettier. Especially women. I thought about how pretty I wouldn’t be when I was 70. The lost of function. Loss of being desirable. The lost of dexterity. All I could think about was loss.
But then I looked at the women I admire and how age didn’t define them. I looked at Phylicia and how she’s still doing what she loves, along with Dihann Carroll and looking amazing while doing it! I looked at Shonda ‘Irunalladishere’ Rimes. I looked at Viola Davis. Both over 40.
I realized I had been speeding my life up without counting the wins. Without embracing the wins with the losses. I see my age now in view of what I have learned and what is next! I have learned to value days, moments and what I want from this life.
Age doesn’t determine my worth. I have learned that my own self is such a treasure.
37 years down. So many more to go!
[image from kylecease.com]