I’ll be the first to say that I am not perfect. I have my flaws and hang-ups as anyone else does. However, there are a few things that I fear. Some are darker than others, and perhaps there are some that are found in a Poe novel.
Dying Young. There was a time where I was fascinated by gravestones and the people beneath them. I even had a nightmare when I was a little girl that Christ had returned and forgotten me–and someone was walking over my grave (I had to be no more than 12 when I had this dream). I wanted to know the age that people I knew, or admired, or were famous died. I needed to know the age. If they were over 40, I was okay. If they were younger than that, I would panic. I would get scared. I would be more scared of that happening to me. I wanted to be able to have lived before my turn at living was over.
A fear of Hell. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I know that Heaven exists. And I also know that Hell exists. I know it is a place I never want to find myself or anyone I knew and love to go to. The dread I have of this horrific place, keeps me in God’s face. Say what you will, but all I want, when this life is over is to see God. No more. No less. That is all that I want. I don’t want to be anywhere that God is not.
I do no want to be anywhere that God will never be–with no peace or belief.
Rodents. I cannot do rodents. I cannot. Don’t ask me. My first house I rented with my family? INFESTATION. And I had to use glue traps. I cannot tell you the terror I had to get over to see MICE in my house! I cannot. Don’t make me.
Losing my children. In the stress of parenthood, the thing that scares me is losing my children in a school shooting or a mass shooting. That fear, unfortunately is a reality. I was a Senior in high school when the shooting at Columbine High School happened in April 1999. I never want to identify my child in such a horrific way.
Dying violently. I’m a true crime fan, yes. But I never want to murdered. I have a fear of that. I’m Black. I’m outspoken. I’m loud. I’m a woman. One of these factors, perhaps above any or all others, would cause me to lose my life. I want to see God, but not before I have to.
[image from featness.co.uk]