Thirty Days of Fire: Day 26-Things You’d Say To An Ex

Ooh, the good stuff! Things I would say to an ex, huh? In my George Takei voice:  Oh, myy! I make it a habit when I leave a relationship to flee! Like?! I have nothing else to say and never need to see them again. However, here are a couple people I would love to read down to the ocean floor!


Dominic C. (2000-2003) I think you loved me as best you could at the time. What do 19, 20 year olds know about forever.

Why was it necessary to hit me? Why was it okay for you to treat me, try to break me as you did? Why was it important for me to be broken in a way that as never meant to be possible? What I really want to know is–why wasn’t I enough? I mean, why wasn’t I enough? And you asked me was a faithful? No, I wasn’t. I kept my options open–just like you did when you had your son and disappeared on me.

As good as we were together, when it was bad, it was Hell. I’m glad that I got out when I did. You lying to me for the last time was enough to see I never mattered to you. I found my real Peter Parker after this was over. And I am so grateful I did! It is because of you, and how big of a useless fucker you were, that let me identify those of your ilk quicker. And know what real love is too…because it doesn’t hurt.

Chris B. (December 1999-February 2000) You never deserved me. You were an utter waste of time. I’m glad you came as soon as you went. I missed nothing. You were just the kind of boyfriend I needed to find and deal with before 25. It was a reminder not to talk to a dude that yells out a car to get your attention.

Daniel N.(November 1998-May 2001) You are the archetypal good boyfriend for a teenage girl. Sweet. Attentive. Funny. I loved you as best I could for a year and a half. Thank you for being utterly, simply amazing. I still smile when I think of you. You deserved more than what a teenage girl could give. You were a husband to me, even when I wasn’t wise enough to know how precious that is.

Jarad “Darrin” R. (2004-2005) We could have been so good together. You wanted all I was but couldn’t be the man I needed you to be. You were as amazing as you were problematic! I thank you for being a sounding board, a satyr, and utterly yourself. Thank you for being a steady place for the kids even after we broke up. You thought my faith in God was problematic, but it was God that sent you in my direction.

ZDB (2005-2009) The first thing I want to tell you is, “I’m sorry.” I married you while still very much in love with someone else. I married you knowing that this affection for someone else may never go away. Ever. With that said, I tried to be a wife to you. I tried to be what I thought you would need.  What we would need:  I was strong, I was determined, and I was determined too protect you from you. We were young. We should have waited a while longer. I should have been able to tell you “No,” when you asked me to marry you. I should have paid attention to your behavior about me reading, wanting to go to school and even keeping myself up. I didn’t know how to be the wife you needed. I couldn’t be the wife you needed. For that, I am sorry. I thank you for being the best you could for me. But the long and short of it is–you weren’t ready for me, and I should never have married you.  Sex, loneliness and expectations are a toxic mix. If I could tell the 25-year-old me something it would be this, on the morning we were supposed to get married:

This ain’t gon end like you think it will, Shug. You have the right to dictate your life. You have the right to live it as you see fit. Don’t waste your time with someone whom doesn’t value it. He’s good enough right now, but that may not be enough!

Think about what he has shown you. How he couldn’t support you going to college. Or reading for fun. It is more to a marriage than sex and money. And you don’t get enough of either for this to be a formidable, stable relationship. It’s just not. You need someone that can speak life into you, whom will help you, and push you just as you push them. You need that. You deserve that!

Don’t ignore your gut.

Don’t just go along, because that’s what’s expected! Do the things which are going to be the most beneficial. This marriage? No, this won’t be it. Not because you hate him or don’t want to be successful.You don’t have all the tools, babygirl. And he’s not ready to build. Value your time. Value. Your. Time. You won’t and don’t get it back. Life gives you many opportunities to pay, and the only change it doesn’t return time.