In The Dying Of Embers: The People Who Won’t Go With You

As a woman, we are taught to value people and what they bring to your life. We are taught to nurture, care and to reconcile–sometimes at all cost.

Even the cost of self. Today, I want to remind you that the cost of self is more costly than you can ever imagine! Ever.

Sometimes the hardest thing you have to do is walk away from people whom have meant the most to you. Even if they have been with you for a significant time.

The dying of a friendship is gradual, and the worst part–intimate. And there are people that know the relationship, friendship is ending. They see the report isn’t as easy, goals become more different and the cancer of all relationships–jealousy or unforgiveness. Rumors. Innuendo. Suspicion.

Steve Harvey said his Dad, ‘Slick’ Harvey, gave him a piece of advice I’ll share with you:

“Everybody that come with you, can’t go with you.”

Get into this!

As devastating as this is, as hurtful as this is, this is relevant to help you recognize who cannot be an asset to you!

It helps you to identify whom is a friend and whom is a dead weight. It looks at if you have a usership or a friendship! The thing most startling, is something my mother told me moons ago.

“Everybody grows older not up!”

There are people in your life that can only see you in a certain light. With parallel desires and dreams, nothing greater than the other.


When those things change, when one of you change, and that change doesn’t compensate the demands of the friendship–death begins. When one of you does better than the other and no celebration occurs. When everyone around you cheers you, but your oldest friend won’t even text you back. Your loyalty is still to a person or people that cannot imagine you beyond where you where!

I applaud women that can have best friends forever. I have not been that lucky. I have been blessed to have gotten this far with the help of God and the friendship of women whom I needed at the time, to support me as I needed at the time. The most hurtful thing was as I grew into whom I was supposed to be, my best friend of a decade stopped speaking to me. I still have no idea why.

Yet, the bravest thing I did was let her go. Perhaps our paths will rejoin, maybe they won’t. But what I had to remember is that everyone that is gonna go with me, can’t stay…and I can’t drag them either.

Not everyone is blessed to have a Gayle.