I Survived ‘The Tiger King’…Barely.

The best 'Tiger King' memes are almost as good as the Netflix show

It took me two days, a box of graham crackers, quarter of a gallon of milk, bag of Red Hot Riplets (its a St. Louis thing, judge if you want to!) to get through. But I made it! And LORD!

Where do I start?!

It is rare that a writer have nothing to say, but this? This right here? Netflix know they wrong as 2 left Jordans to release this during a worldwide crisis! I mean–even if I gave you spoilers, you still could not wrap your mind around the redneck ratchetness to be seen!

The fact that I didn’t know you could own a tiger in this country–I mean, can we just start there! I didn’t know it was a whole ring that Joe Exotic (please don’t ask me to spell his legal last name!) knew about and was a plug to where all the cubs and adult big cats go! I mean! From the felony drug dealer with the zoo you need God-access to see his house; a woman whom I am 87% sure killed her husband who runs Big Cat Rescue; a dude that has a harem and his big cats, I was completely bewildered.

Completely bewildered! And this takes place in Oklahoma? I mean they out there on all this land, shooting arsenals and storing them! Blowing shit up! I mean, my ex-husband’s family is from southern Illinois, but I had never seen anything like this! Like Joe Exotic shot up a bed and a Rolex just so it wouldn’t get lost in a judgement against Carole of Big Cat Rescue! All the while threatening this woman on his internet show!

But the thing that struck me the most was Joe Exotic’s husbands. Yes, his husbands. Maaaan. Look. When I saw Travis Maldanado–that 6’4″ California boy built like a surfer? All I could do is grin. And as quick as I grinned, I needed more graham crackers! Joe turned Travis out! Not only did he turn him out, he had another husband in addition to Travis! I told my husband this exact quote:

“John down there fuckin for trucks!”

That is not a homophobic statement–you must see the documentary to understand what I meant. There is something insidious about that man’s relationship with these men. I just knew it! Why? NEITHER ONE OF THESE MEN WHERE GAY! They admitted they weren’t! So, what else could they be doing with this old queen except being paid and kept! He married them in pink shirts and a black Stetson hat!

PLOT TWIST!

Joe ran this zoo that had ratchet people, Wal-Mart food, honey and lube in the gift shop with a man name Rick filming all of it! And now, as of this posting, the woman that owns the Big Cat Rescue–the people are looking in to her again for the murder of her husband, Don.

Don’t even get me started on Don’s ‘executive assistant’ who had originals of all his important papers, but made no copies! And when the alarm went off in her office they were are gone! Look, here…this is experience, not just a show. I don’t know, Jesus. I just don’t know. Even remembering this, I want to lay down.

With all the COVID-19, Corona Virus talk, I needed my mind turned off. But, this—on top of tiger tranquilizers? I quit.

I need to read an entire library after this…

[image from nypost.com]