TW: Domestic violence, Intimate Partner Violence
Love you shouldn’t hurt.
Yet why does it seem the culture cannot seem to think of affection or affinity between two people unless there is toxic behavior attached to it. Which is mind-boggling! Yet, it’s idolized! We as a culture idolize pain. We look at what is being torn asunder in people’s lives and retweet it! We make it sport, gossip and all matter of impossible fodder to slop the hogs whom devour suffering! One of the most striking things as it relates to struggle love is the fiasco that is Emily and the manchild Fabolous!
This boy went over to her parent’s house tripping and clowning with her, hit his her in the mouth–knocking her teeth out (and he replaced them!)—and she is still with him! Pro-tip: crazy never improves, it only worsens. Yet, we gobble it up don’t we? We idolize the struggle to be chosen so much that to be in a healthy, non-violent, relationship is considered boring. Think about that. I believe the root of this feeling, this need to be chosen–desire to be chosen–is based in self-worth! That type of trauma is toxic! Yet, we champion it! Society loves the happily ever after at all costs! We romanticize the 50, 60 year relationships that last through fire, wind and water–but we forget the stories that go along with that! And not all of them are good!
The scary thing about those relationships is they are shrouded in myth! They are held up as this standard–an ideal. The goal being to stay together at all costs! Staying together at all costs. The thing about that kind of belief is toxic. Yet, as jaded as the world is–we run after the happily ever after! In the joy of being together, we forget that people are human. Are petty. Can be mean and unforgiving. Ruthless in revenge when they feel they have been wronged! Yet, we tell people (mostly women!) to stay. We tell them to stay because ‘God hates divorce.’ We will tell a woman that it will be okay: “It’ll all work out! Be patient!” For all the frogs that become princes, there are frogs that become demons! There is no amount of prayer, patience or persuasion that can make someone bent on hurting you–whom has shown they have no regard for you (and whom think they know your price!)–to not hurt you. But, there go the whispers of the happily ever after. Those whispers tell you, “It’ll get better.” “They didn’t mean it!” “Your parents/grandparents (whatever list of long married people) stayed together (whatever) years! They went through stuff and they made it!”
We idolize the struggle so much that abuse is explained away. We idolize, dream of wedding dresses, big houses and the desire to build something that is ours–that we endure to get. We endure for the end to come–even if it might kill us in the middle.