What to say about the year that is 48 hours out of memory? I am equal parts relieved and heart broken. In the 12 months that was 2020, I have feared for my life, been elated, hopeful and resolute all at one time. On the one hand, a relationship that needed to end two years previously, ended. And I celebrated being a college graduate for the year. I have cried laughing, and cried to the point that I could not get out of bed.
So, this what I have to the year that was.
I believe that 2020 was year that I needed. It wa a year that made me the woman I am destined to become! I needed the fights, the tears, the break-ups and the questioning of my own worth. Why? This is not because I am a masochist–far from it! But there were so many things in my life that needed to change, and without something major–nothing was going to change.
I want more for my life, and 2020 showed me that I needed to believe in myself.
I wanted to be a better mom for my kids, and 2020 gave me that time to reconnect in the midst of a global pandemic!
I wanted time to write, and 2020 gave me the thing I cried for–time.
For me, 2020 was hard. I’m sure I’m not the only person that feels this way. Yet, but by no means, will I allow myself to wallow! I refuse to keep crying! The year of 2020 reminded me that the superhero I needed was the dynamic duo of Jesus and me! There is a power that has been unlocked in me that only could be found in 2020! No other person was going to come and save me…and I secretly wished they would! I didn’t want to be the one (again!) to have to fix what I didn’t break, clean what I didn’t make dirty, and admit my part in making 2020 more chaotic than it had to be.
Getting to 2021, surviving 2020, started with admitting that some of it had to do with me. When I was able to do that, that’s when surviving of last year began.
I was off New Years Day, and couldn’t even cry. I just sat and…looked. I slept. I ate. And rested! I did all those things in peace. For the first time in five years. Imagine! So was 2020 trash? Oh, completely! But the fire that was 2020, made me realize I was going to stay a Phoenix to survive it.
Women whom are forged from fire, will never fear it. I am one of those made from it.