The biggest microaggression I have encountered, and still encounter to quite a demonstrable degree, is this phrase: “You are ________________ for a Black girl.”
I hate that. Don’t say that to Black women, Black girls, ever!
It implies that being Black –in whatever context!–is either undesirable, unworthy, or a deterrent. And it seems to be a shock to non-melaninated people when you don’t take lightly to backhanded compliments. There is no reason for them! The one thing that I do know is I have heard, “You are smart for a Black girl” more often than I want to admit on a public forum. When I started dating?
Oh. Dear. Holy. God.
You are pretty for a Black girl was a reflex, and it felt like acid in my face every time that I heard it! Every single time. I didn’t understand it! For a Black woman, for a Black girl to look in a mirror and value, love, what she sees is a whole process! You have to deconstruct what the European beauty standard is so you can love who you see. To be considered pretty by a non-melaninated person is not an achievement! It’s not an aspiration!
I am a beautiful woman.
I am a beautiful Black woman.
I am beautiful woman whom is also Black.
These are the only three permutations of this complement I will tolerate. Ever.
I am not ‘smart for a Black girl.’ I am resourceful, dual-degreed and do not need the validation from non-melaninated people to be considered intelligent! Ever!
I am an intelligent woman.
I am an intelligent Black woman.
I am an intelligent woman, who happens to be Black.
These, too, are the only compliments I will accept in this area.
In the Gospel according to Queendom, that makes me a Bad Bitch! Let me go adjust my crown to dismiss peasants properly. Whatchu thought this was?