With everything going on in the world, and plus my own misgivings about my talent about recording it, giving commentary on it, I did not feel qualified to come to you all. And that said, I almost gave up writing, but truly I thought about it for a second. Trust, I thought about being able to keep up with the demands of time and space at this point! There are reaction pieces I haven’t even done yet because I didn’t think I was strong enough to do it. What are things about being a voice (and I can except that about myself now), is everybody wants to hear you.
Even when you can’t hear yourself.
Let me be real with you because we’re family. Your girl had a crisis of Imposter Syndrome. I can say that in all truth! Imposter syndrome is the insidious kind of depression you could ever have (in my opinion). This is from someone who suffers from episodic depression—I called them my ‘blue days’—that is a lot.
But what I have decided to do is take my own advice that is given to my writing clients: write through it.
Fight for the words!
Fight for the pages!
I fought to regain my strength and my voice! And I’ve done that. I had to do that! I cannot give up being Black, woman, and writer all at the same time! Only two of those things are immutable! I refuse to live without being all three!
Years ago, the Lord told me that I had a ‘nation in my belly’.
He was gonna make me ‘a voice, and not an echo!’
How humbling is that? And because of my finite understanding of the divine plan of the Almighty, I didn’t totally believe Him– – and now I do. And honoring my faith, in honoring my talents, I got to get back at it. So with that let me get back to work.
I love you all.