30 DAYS OF JAYE: The Epitaph Of Derek Chavin

In April 2021, Officer Derek Chauvin was convicted of the murder of George Floyd. This piece was rewritten before the verdict was read on April 20, 2021.

Here lies the body of white supremacy wrapped in blue skin with his knee on the neck of progress while he cries out for his mother.

While the tears of the unborn leak from our eyes and our hands are bottled up, folded up underneath us trying to get out from under the weight of its oppression—-

And yet you only say you ‘were doing your job’.

You were only doing what you were allowed and hired to do,

What you were granted power by the state to perform and because of that reason

for that cause, you have ‘no fault’.

You standing straight as Johnson grass in the middle of a hurricane willing that

none should see you as you truly are!

Scared little boy.

So free, so afraid of blackness,

anything and its entirety

including height, weight that you choose

on this day to take matters into your own hands and then underneath the weight of all that you hold dear that has been whispered to you as lullabies—

When they were really lies.

Only now—NOW!

You discover exactly

what it means to be wrong,

and not just wrong—

But evil, loud, and wrong.

For that reason,

you have been called

to the core of eternity

where the All-seeing,

The All-knowing has now

seen every piece of

your work laid bare without

a badge—

left silent as the grave

you are now shut in!

Taking with you

every secret,

every fear,

that white supremacy has

that perhaps the god that

you said was white —never looked like like you.

HE looks more like HIS SON

that was murdered by the state,

Seeing that truth of always in color,

Even to the shed blood.

The evil clothed in

Red, white & blue

because it is easier to

be a coward, shrinking us

So you might grow strong

And mighty into the lie of

Your greatness independent of

Truth and dependent on subduing

What you believe is evil

We have never been.

We have been storm,

Fire and seas…

And now you look

That Immutable in

His face, seeing it was

Never your mirror.

Now, you have to look

Him in the face and

you cry for mercy,

and for your mother as

HE tells you

“Depart from me I never knew you.”

-JBHarris, April 2021

30 DAYS OF JAYE: Sunshine

at last and once more

peace within myself

and in what is around me

I have love restored and

new as it should always be

passion as I never knew it

or I thought I could have

to have all that I seek and

have sought just within

the width of my fingertips

mine…mine… the impending joy

of possessing it thrills me

to have and to hold…not to cleave

for I know that I need not chase it

it soothes me, allows my mind to

quiet my mind to watch the clouds

roll past, and count each one

as I once did

I can shut my eyes to the world

and sleep in the sun…breathing deep all the while

(Jennifer-Phylon Bush, age 23) May 1, 2005

30 DAYS OF JAYE: With Him

How could this happen?

Seducing me with the

honey of his lips to my

ears, my heart in his hands

kisses inspiring soft tears

upon rounded cheeks.

He found me and loved me anyway.

Far from me, his is

From his thoughts and mind

I have searched for him

and found him not

it is in him that I found

the strength to be better

to not settle, to let my

hunger be my drive,

my sustaining force…

Be my own Jedi master

Yet, where is he?

When I have gotten

so used to him, loved

and love him so, still

what happens to me now?

Jennifer-Phylon Bush (Rourke) September 20, 2005

30 DAYS OF JAYE: Restless

What wondrous magick is this

That has interwoven my

Thoughts and vexed my spirit?

Its intent is neither malice nor

Menacing…

Its presence comforts and

Consoles me…it reminds me

That it will never be far from

Me, no matter how I may

Outrun it….it will always cling

To me

It will always pursue and

Call for me, chase me, recapture

Me, and I will drown in it

Once more, contented

As I may try and disavow

The tantalizing desirous knowledge

Of it, the more it seems I am at a

Loss as to how to ignore it

I confront and submerge the

Thoughts as they come,

Unbeknownst to me they

Will resurface in the quiet

Hours, and silent places

Where my mind wonders

To misplaced thoughts…

They step from behind

Subconcious veils and flood my

Mind happily….

I bask in the memories of them

They bring joy to my remembrance

And gladden my heart

These vivid dreams only

Intensify the adoration that

I have…that I hold close….

That holds me

This subtle, sensual compassion

Eludes rationale, and conscious

Understanding, I have forsaken

The right to wonder of its origin and

My only concern is to prepare myself

For the next quickening of thought

(JPB, age 22)-April 25, 2004

30 DAYS OF JAYE: Safe Harbor

You gave me who I am

Let me be who I can become.

In you, with you

I have no regret

Through my endless night

You gave me hope of morning

Soothing the mourning

I no longer have reason to cry

No shame, no hiding

Breathing deep

Becoming comfortable within all of me

Showing you what was always and already there

Closing my eyes removed from the world

Knowing and happy in

When I roll and wake,

You will reach for me,

As I reach for you,

And you will still be there.

(Jennifer-Phylon Bush, age 23) June 6, 2005

30 DAYS OF JAYE: Sonnet of Kakia

I have found my calling

in the advice of men’s thoughts

and make no apology for

such thinking

I am more than I appear, and am much more that you thought I could ever be

I have seduced the masses

and haunt the faithful few

I have not the wisdom of Athena

to advise or protect against

wrong thinking…

The only thing that I may

offer is the wine of my far off

kin Dionysis to soften you

as you fall unto me, onto me

and into me

I welcome the unintended and

relish the unexpected

skin as carameled butter

 supple and soft

as ripened peaches

hair, no not flaxen

but dark as raven’s night

eyes deep, dark  that draw in, hold,

keep and lure

the ambrosia that I hide and provide

in the sweetness of my lips

and betwixt my thighs

is all that you will ever

need, hope, or thrist for

my door is open to the brave

soul that may wish to have

all of himself quickened beneath me

or over me

however, my nectar is

an addictive intoxication,

the pollen that my flower can

provide may cause you to

watch my far kin Eos and Helios

dance upon the sky as night

begats morning

I make no apologizes for this

I will it that I be your desire

that you hunger and ache only be

for me

find me here,

warm, inviting, and open

with morning light as my

halo…

amongst the foxgloves,

roses, lilac and orchids

gentle as summer wind

and hungry…

But my hunger is never

sated, let me quell yours

(Jennifer-Phylon Bush, age 23) November 4, 2004

30 DAYS OF JAYE: Wondrous Love Is This

what is this,

this thing that calms my essence

and stirs it to the point of

no return,

oh my soul…

What have I done in any life

to be graced, blessed and transformed

but this, in this, of this

to be made new, yet as I was before

to realize that my eyes were never

truly opened, and that I was not content

I was not living, merely existing in what

surrounded me

now I am awake…awakened by something

so powerful and sweet

lingering caresses and affections

that seduced me effortlessly to make me

as I am…so close to me that I can close

my eyes and have it ingrained in me

restoring and renovating

making my sunshine more evident

in my everyday

for this, am I thankful

(Jennifer-Phylon Bush, age 23) March 26, 2005

30 DAYS OF JAYE: Joker In The Pocket

Note: I am a better card player than I am a chess player. In the game of Spades, unless the Jokers are in the deck (meaning the 2 of Hearts & 2 of Diamonds are out of the deck) there is no way to beat an Ace of Spades without it.

Rule 0: Keep a Joker on you.

When you play,

When you take your place

In the space

Wherever you are,

Sit.

Breathe deep, back straight.

Sit down because your

Life is on the line.

Trust that there is

on on your side

From who is sits higher.

Know when you sit down,

You have all in you,

do to you, and come through

to send all that doubted you

home with the assbeating

they deserve!

When they underestimate you,

to stumble you,

stop you and, humble you

remember that you must

Keep a Joker in your pocket.

You have to understand–

When life gets hectic, and you can’t keep your head on your shoulders,

When you feel like you can’t know your left on your right,

up or down, and when dark looks better–

and you’re like you got a tap your pocket,

But you must understand and maintain

that what is in you

is greater than you

Is greater than anything else

in the world,

and with time come

When their final book is won

when they think they

have counted you out,

when they think they

have killed you when they have run

all your books out —

when they have cut your partner,

with they have flip the table almost

on you because you were about

to win you have to be able to reach

in your pocket and with the force of incarnated ancestors

slap the joker from your pocket!

Let these cats know that you

take no prisoners—

prisoners, and never have you been a victim!

All you do is win

Because you kept the joker in your pocket?

—you always got something for they asses!

-JBHarris, April 2021