#BlakBlogsMatter Challenge-Week 11 (2021)

On Monday, I talked about Tignon Laws at the end of my post. I hope you Googled it. With that said, let’s get into the cultural appropriation of hair that is a slap in the face to Black women.

I started getting my hair straightened when I was about 5 or 6. I got my first perm at 9. There has never been a time where what grew out of my head naturally wasn’t a problem! Either to myself, my family or where I was working. I remember one offer of employment at a local hospital–in the employee handbook no less!–said that if your hair had to be a natural color occurring in nature.

Coded language translated as: Black girls, do not use your expression here as it relates to your hair.

The thing about this hair conversation is that it is an insult! I have to defend, I have to change, my hair in its natural state in order to get a job–but Addison can watch one box braid tutorial, have her one friend with the Black boyfriend to give her ‘boxer braids’, and she can go to work–and no one will bother her! These dames can go into Urban Outfitters and get hoop earrings to go with these looks and be seen as chic, or trendsetting. Meanwhile, if I do the same, or other Black women do the same, then we are a distraction and are disciplined for this!

I mean the CROWN ACT isn’t even 5 years old! There had to be legislation created, enacted and passed in order for Black people to just be BLACK at work, but Addison wants to take that from us and expects us not to be offended?

I mean, where should I begin with this? Your hair isn’t made to do what ours does–period! It is not fair for the styles most Black girls grew up wearing, learning, and perfecting the LAW has to give us permission to do? The fact that had to happen, and a class of Addison Rae thinks they did something by watching ’10 with Bo Derek that one time, and wore hoop earrings on ‘Casual Friday’ think they did something! You are not making something chic because you stole the idea from someone else, Miss Millie!

Black women are not flattered because you are in enamored with our culture so much that would like to steal it. We have been hip to you all for centuries–and Jordan Peele affirmed on screen everything our grandmothers, mothers and aunts whispered about. And to be honest–I’m glad Georgina fought that dame that tried to take her over. I truly am.

Do better, Addison.

#BlackBlogsMatter Challenge-Week 10 (2021)

*OBF: Only Black Friend

Being the OBF is dangerous. I said what I said. You, as a Black friend, in the ashes of Orange Thanos, you need to be mindful and critical of whom your friendship group is! Consider this your first and last warning in regards to your own tokenism. 

I do understand that with the expansion of educational opportunities, remote working and job expansion, that it is impossible to keep the same friend groups, or have those friend groups be homogenous! I am saying being mindful when you are consistently the OBF in a friend group. There is this sense of awareness that you have to develop which allows you to be cognization of what is, what is not, and what will be. Let me break it down this way.

What Is. Being the OBF is sometimes isn’t avoidable. No one moves in this life without needing, talking to or even befriending other people. However, being the only ANYTHING in a community or a friend group, is—concerning. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself, “Why am I the only one that looks like ME in this space?”

What Is Not. In the interest of honesty, remember that every friend is not an ally and a ally is not always an accomplice. The world is too dangerous for you to not know who is on your side! There are too many stories of OBFs in situation where they needed assistance or to be verified by someone else (aka someone non-melaninated) and–weren’t! Be mindful of this, because once it is shown to you, it cannot be unseen. 

What Will Be. The danger that I speak of in regards to being the OBF is the ever looming threat of tokenism. It is the threat that whenever something happens in the culture or to them, you will either be either excuse to continue microaggressions, or ‘the Black friend’ they know. Don’t allow yourself to be set up for failure because there are people in the world who don’t think diversity and inclusivity matter. Yet, these are the same people believe since they are friends with you they have met both requirements. 

Just like when you were younger and you were told to look both ways before crossing the street? Look around before you get invited into the all-White friend group with no mirrors.

#BlackBlogsMatter Challenge-Week 8 (2021)

At this point, I need White America to know two things:

You are not special.

You will be called out on this non-specialness like Jesus on the MainLine!

Every time. All the time. Anywhere. Deal with it.

The fact that your Orange Julius Savior has abandoned you in favor of democracy, and y’all have been dying a slow death! It has never occurred to you that your life is a LIE! Still! after 400 years this space has existed, 400 years from the first deaths of Black and indigenous people murdered for the greed and sucking of white supremacy on the teet of capitalism, you need to feel special! You need to feel expectational–because without this lie to rock to to sleep, you (might) have to face the fact that you, White America, are monstrous.

You are murderous.

Your words do not bring peace or comfort–but death and chaos!

You have to wrestle with the fact that your way was paved through the vehicles of erasure and oppression! This system you have been born into–and even your grandchildren have benefited from!–was created for you to win! And since you are winning, you think everyone else should be! You think that since you had a shot, everyone else has–and nothing special should be added to anyone else!

This is not so. And that fact you are getting called out on it? And told you are not special–with proof! You still get mad. That’s fine. When you get ready to join the rest of the world after you get done having your tantrum, you are more than welcome. Till then, we will be outside with the other grown people.

30 Days Of Jaye- Cliff Notes (Thoughts In A Pandemic)

Click here to purchase this new work! If that doesn’t work, copy and paste this link:

Thoughts In A Pandemic https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08D3T2TYQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_5ZMFS78DC7K3EYKQH4JC

I am a healthcare worker, and like most writers, I still have a day job.

At the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, I had planned on leaving healthcare and going into education—I had planned on finishing my MFA. But, due to the need to care for my children, and myself, I went back into healthcare.

With working in this pandemic for the better part of a year, this collection of poetry began as a coping mechanism. It started as a way to focus the fear of a collective community, and know speak to hope that no one really had in early 2020!

It is written from the vantage point of a healthcare worker; one who saw how disrespected the medical community has been (public health, science, virology, nurses, doctors, CNA’s, medical students, researchers, etc.), and how the narrative around this pandemic was skewed by—politics!

Writing helped me cope. Still helps me cope! This collection of poetry is a testimony to perseverance, duty and how the responsibility of leadership is heavier than can be first thought.

Thank you.

In The Matter Of Derrick Jaxn

These are my first and final thoughts on this Jaxn Dilemma. Follow your girl on TikTok (@whatjayesaid).

Thank you to Rebecca Quarles for this meme. The internet is undefeated!

I stumbled on Derrick Jaxn in the rabbit hole that is YouTube. I like how personable he was, and the fact that I thought he was handsome surely helped. I liked his approach to relationships, his advice made sense, and I even used it from time to time! I mean, I was solidly, #TeamJaxn. I followed him on social media (Twitter, YouTube) and even used his advice from time to time! I mean, I even shared his advice to some people (i.e. women) I knew!

Then, I started looking a little closer.

There was a live that I saw with him on it (it might have been on YouTube), at least two to three years ago, and he mentioned a baby. A new baby. When I heard that, I turned the live off. I had this question: “If you have all this wit, wisdom and knowledge, how do you have a Baby Mama and not a wife, sir?!” It was from there, that I quit listening to him. I want all of us as Black folk to win, and I left all that where it is.

And from there? Life is on fire this week! On fire! Completely!

Turns out Mr. Jaxn has been cheating on this woman, his wife, who is the mother of his daughter–the Baby Mama!–for a minute! Like?! What part of the game is this? According to the Facebook Live event they did as a couple earlier this week (which his wife, Da’Naia, said was her idea!) left me staring! And I mean, staring!

Derrick Jaxn: Relationship guru confess to cheating on im wife - BBC News  Pidgin
Chile, there is no way I would have come on camera about this. No God.

With the interest of full transparency, I have been the woman that has been cheated on. I have also been the wife that cheated. I own both of those identities! I can tell you that there is no greater pain than realizing the person you are building your life with has cheated on you–emotionally or physically. Also, there is nothing like believing the person that you re building your life with cannot be what you need–neither can they meet (or see) those needs you have expressed!

It hurts either way.

Yet, the thing that I find more glaring comes from this deep sense of a boundary being violated! According to his wife, DaNaia, said she had dealt with this a year before! A year! She went on to say that she left him–took the baby and bounced! Da’Naia said she told her husband, Social Media Sociologist and Relationship Guru, Derrick Jaxn that she wouldn’t come back to him until he decided what it was he wanted! Now, I can commend this! No one needs to be in any situation where they are hurt, exploited or abused. No one! Derrick and Da’Naia have said they have worked through these issues of cheating–which only came to light after one of the women that Derrick was involved with came forward. Why she chose to do this? Who can say.

But there was something in me that was so angry watching this Facebook Live event. Da’Naia is a woman that has leaned on her faith to get through this–and I commend her. I have done the same thing in times of extreme distress! But, as a woman that has been through more than a few mishaps, and situationships–I know hurt when I see it! With her dealing with this situation with her husband, the father of her child before, I cannot imagine what it took for her to sit on camera to be aired out again!

It could not be me! I cannot be me! I would have put out a statement and have that be it. With all the money and clout that her husband has, you couldn’t find someone to write a statement and just keep it moving? It is so hard for me to believe that she volunteered to do this Live, or that it was her idea! Especially, after this was posted on her own Instagram:

I’ll spare you the rest of the sorted details (and I apologize for the quality screenshot), but this here? This is what made me think that there is more here than either of them are saying! In this post, Da’Naia, says that she studied the flicks that Derrick made of these women on his phone! She studied the women’s bodies, down to the ‘secretions’! I’m sorry, what?! Sis–no! This is not God’s best for you! No! Even to find out that they have been on and off for twelve years before they got married?! Sis! What is this about!

Luvvie Ajayi Jones said that this is the problem with the church–it weaponizes the gospel! This is horrendous! As a woman of faith, I am appalled, confused and sad. The same gospel that freed me and strengthened me–looks to be the same gospel being used to imprison her! Women are always expected to stay by husbands whom have done horrible things! Yet, you don’t see many men that do the same for their wives as publicly! I understand that love covers a multitude of sins–I get that, and am grateful for it. However, when is enough enough? When do we make the differentiation between gospel and gaslighting?

Derrick cheated on his wife, Da’Naia.

Da’Naia forgave her husband, Derrick, that cheated on her.

Who are we to judge that? What I will say is, people will only do what they are allowed to do. I cannot imagine what it is to be aired out twice like this! In front of the world! Again! Derrick and Da’Naia also have books they are selling–about relationships as well. How convenient? I cannot imagine what she is going through, because this does not seem to be over soon. Even now there are still women coming forward–with screenshots! Chile…how long Da’Naia? How long? God has more for you than to be this embarrassed…on a regular basis.

If they can really come back from infidelity (not everyone can!), I wish them God’s best. If they cannot, if it becomes too much, then she knows what she needs to do next. God indeed be her strength.

#BlackBlogsMatter Challenge-Week 4 (2021)

One of the most frustrating things about spotting opporcoonities is just that–spotting them! Once they can be identified, they can be avoided. But, here is the problem.

When you have been working without recognition, when you know that you have all the talent and drive in you to make your own opportunities or space–but are stymied by it? You do (or will) get to the point where any opportunity to be seen, you will take.

No matter what you will have to give up to get them–you’ll take. And this is dangerous. This is lethal. This is unsmart–but people do it! I mean, you only need to look at the misanthropes of Black people on Fox news to see that! What you need to ask yourself is this, “What is this going to cost me?”

Why should you ask yourself this? Taking advantage of an opportunity that will take advantage of you at a minimum or disgrace you at a maximum, will always cost you something! Son Of Baldwin (Robert Jones, Jr.) often reminds us that this nation is anti-Black! It lives to erase us, cage us, eradicate and kill all of us! This is not an exaggeration, or paranoia! This nation will do anything to erase Black people or have them betray the one thing they cannot control by the temptation of riches.

Don’t fall for this. The Sunken Place is a holding place for Cultural Hell. Don’t go. We cannot come get you–in some cases continuing to rescue you–without losing ourselves too.

#BlackBlogsMatter Challenge-Week 3 (2021)

Being ‘woke’ is one of those things that is on going.

There is always something to learn, something to be mad about, and something to be informed or reinformed of! There has to be a humility in that level of learning as well as to not be so arrogant! I believe this is one of the thing that is wrong with this class of conservatives: their world, and their God, is way too small. With such a small view of the world, how can anything else fit into it? Why would anything else want to fit into it?

Being ‘woke’ is really having the wherewithal to expand your mind, challenge your thinking, and accept that Your world view is not the only one. You give up a form of social narcissisms that most people don’t want to! Think about it! It costs nothing to remain a bigot. It demands nothing of a person to remain the same, believe the same, and pass those same beliefs on to another person whom has no chance to ever challenge those things. Coretta Scott King said that freedom has to be won in every generation. Since it must be fought for, indeed in every generation, remaining oblivious to the plight of others is not possible.

Moreover, it is not rational! Or safe for anyone!

Being ‘woke’ is not a trendy, clearly staying asleep is. You always sleep better in a bed you didn’t make. But there is power in realizing just what is in the bed that lulls you back to sleep, despite better efforts to stay awake. Consider being ‘woke’ the alarm clock to remind you that time, no matter how slowly it moves, will always move forward with or without you.

Childish Gambino said it best: Stay woke.

#BlackBlogsMatter Challenge-Week 3 (2021)

Being ‘woke’ is one of those things that is on going.

There is always something to learn, something to be mad about, and something to be informed or reinformed of! There has to be a humility in that level of learning as well as to not be so arrogant! I believe this is one of the thing that is wrong with this class of conservatives: their world, and their God, is way too small. With such a small view of the world, how can anything else fit into it? Why would anything else want to fit into it?

Being ‘woke’ is really having the wherewithal to expand your mind, challenge your thinking, and accept that Your world view is not the only one. You give up a form of social narcissisms that most people don’t want to! Think about it! It costs nothing to remain a bigot. It demands nothing of a person to remain the same, believe the same, and pass those same beliefs on to another person whom has no chance to ever challenge those things. Coretta Scott King said that freedom has to be won in every generation. Since it must be fought for, indeed in every generation, remaining oblivious to the plight of others is not possible.

Moreover, it is not rational! Or safe for anyone!

Being ‘woke’ is not a trendy, clearly staying asleep is. You always sleep better in a bed you didn’t make. But there is power in realizing just what is in the bed that lulls you back to sleep, despite better efforts to stay awake. Consider being ‘woke’ the alarm clock to remind you that time, no matter how slowly it moves, will always move forward with or without you.

#BreonnaTaylor At A Year…

Click here to read the poem that I wrote last year pertaining to this.

What to Know About Breonna Taylor's Death - The New York Times

It has been a year since the murder of Breonna Taylor. It has been a year since she was murdered in her house, after the police whom murdered her have not all been disciplined, neither have they all been fired, and the AG Daniel Cameron? He is not worth the last of anything. At all. Yet, Malcolm X said it best, “The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman.” Even with death, Black women can’t be respected! There are people who still believe she was in wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person that got her killed.

The presumption of innocence is never on Black people, neither is it given ever to Black women. Since she was Black, she must have been doing something sinister. Since she was a woman, she had to be a silly or somehow deficient to be there with someone whom clearly was a criminal!

Neither of these things are true. None of these things were true.

Breonna was a part of the world. A daughter. A sister. A lover. A friend and First Responder. She was part of the team you call when all is going wrong, who knew what to do. Who had the skills to necessary to save or stabilize life until you could get to other help.

For her life to be ended because of racism, injustice and error only to be further humiliated and dehumanized? It seems like all too much and all to unfair. I don’t think fair is the right word! Nothing about dying in your house is fair! Nothing about the police pulling kick doors, being charged for the bullets they fired into the wall, but not her! There is nothing fair about the reigniting of trauma our ancestors felt about slave catchers coming into their homes and snatching all they knew away! For the better part of a year, I have had the same reoccurring nightmare that the same would happen to me or my daughters–and no one could stop it! That no one would care, I would not be missed and I would rest in the land of my fathers. Just like King David.

Trauma is what happens when continued pain is unresolved.

We fight for justice, because we cannot afford to die because of its lack! We push because we cannot be pulled back towards into what fear and inequity bring! And for this reason, at this cause, do we fight! We resist! We organize, we vote, we reach and we call evil what it is so that we can be the good in the world we hope to see and leave.

For Breonna, now with the Ancestors, I say this.

There are no words I could offer to tell you how sorry I am that this happened, and that I see your face in the face of every Black woman I know. In the faces of my daughters. In the pain of my own mother. I remember and hope for better for us, and am willing to fight to do so, have it be so. You deserved help, long life, and the chance to be all you saw fit to be in your own dreaming. Now in that same land, in the middle of everything, please know that we have not forgotten you! Nor will we ever. I am we, and You are all of Us. As we all wait to go home, be confident of this thing. We are still fighting, Breonna. We are still fighting.

Breonna Taylor case announcement: Here's what we know about decision

#BlackBlogsMatter Challenge-Week 2 (2021)

STOP WORRYING WHAT WHITE PEOPLE THINK.

White supremacy is real, and so are microaggressions. There is a certain class of Karen and Chad, that believe it is their job to supervise all that non-White people do! They are right at the ‘precipice of telling on you’ when you do something that they ‘don’t like.’ Too often we as Black people often confirm, turn and twist to become what the greater White culture wants us to become!

These things often appear as coded language and the assertion of social dominance. What is social dominance? Minimizing Black people in any space by any means necessary–by police, HR, or microaggressions. For survival, Black folk have been taught to study the people which have the power to kill, maim or abscond with them! While we have not been afforded the freedom to be ignorant of the enemies devices, we do have the power to determine how deeply we allow those thoughts to affect what we do, how we move, and what it means to consider what it means to be Black in America.

As a Black woman, I have learned two things. I can consider what non-Black people think, but it cannot define me! It cannot be the foundation to all that I do! I cannot be the reason for anything that I do! I refuse to become a Candace Owens because it may seem easier. I cannot care what White people think because they always have something to say; especially if they are not an ally or accomplice!

As the Father Oracle James Baldwin said, “Your crown has already been paid for. All you have to do is put it on.” So, I adjust my crown and move around.