30 Days Of Jaye: Final Reflections

This month has been catharic.

It has allowed me to explore further my love of writing, especially poetry. In my personal canon, there are about 300 poems. Some haven’t seen the light of other screens or been published. There was a time when I thought this gift was gone, so it is amazing and humbling to share a portion of my work with you all! I hope that you enjoyed it. I hope that you quoted it! I hope it reminded you of your own desire to write, or reignited a love for poetry. I hope my works were added to your personal library and conversation. I hope you loved the tour around this portion of my writing world, and I hope you will stay. while.

You all are now members of this corner of the universe, and shall always be welcome.

Fare well, dear ones.

With Love & Ink,

JBHarris

30 Days Of Jaye: Firestarter

For the other side of my fandom, I founded the site The Ideal Firestarter in 2016–12 years after this poem was written. Click here to follow that portion of Black Girl Magic. You won’t regret it, I promise! Be a cool kid and become a Torch! -JBHarris

she in her essence is

a force of nature,

it cannot be explained

nor contained

she is as sleek

as a fox and faster

than light, she is

a breathing phenomena

heartbreak, pain, and

disappointment engulf her

and she smolders in the

embers and ashes

flames seem to have

engulfed her and made

her no more…then the

stirring begins

seemingly benign breezes

ruffle the ashes that linger

in suffering’s wake…

They begin to enkindle

all the lies lifeless there

the sparks begin to

burst into lingering

lapping flames…these

are fed lustily by breezes

that turn into vying winds

that fuel such flames

the heat begins to restore

her

these combusting forces

renew her, restore and

heal her….

They clear her mind

and enliven her blood

her eyes become sharper

and her form more chic

than before

the resulting inferno

causes her to become

stronger than she once

was

while immersed within

this blaze, her faith

is confirmed and concentrated

arms outstretched and eyes

closed she allows the element

to do its work, for she is a

part if it, as it is a part of her

once she moves from this

cocoon of simulated hellfire

she will be more formidable

than she was before

make no mistake,

she cannot be destroyed

or extinguished, she

will arise as long

as there lies the spark

within her, deeply rooted

she will never be conquered

-Jennifer Bush ((now Harris) age 22) June 16, 2004

30 Days Of Jaye: Elicit

Sleep be stayed…

Give me more of this

that I have wished and given

my soul for,

let the angels bare witness

to my devouring

let my pleadings coat his ears,

my taste on his lips and

rest on all of him that is utterly

male and in defiance of my

moans of cessation

let my no’s be his yes and

take me as I am, as I wish to always be

make me his

let me remain here

let me stay in this inferno that we

have created in these moments and in the ones

that follow

let sleep ever be elusive from me

let me be subject to him

and belong to none but him

let his desire and his lust for me

be my healing balm

let his hands be ruthless in his pursuit of me

in his thrusting in and out of me

let me be his

prayer cannot be used to soothe

such aches and neither will I permit it to

he is all I need

Jennifer Bush (now Harris) age 23, January 26, 2005-personal canon

30 Days Of Jaye: Empty Eyes of Longing…

This one is a favorite as well–haunting and sweet. I was told at this time (a decade and some ago!) to start submitting my work. And I was too scared to do so. Perhaps it wasn’t the right time. But now? The kid is shopping for an agent. This one is found in the Love Songs Of The Unrequited, Volume 2. Click here to pick it up on Amazon and Kindle. -JBHarris

Try as I have to

forget the love that

I no longer possess

it seems that I never

will be able to

such ambitions drive

me to thoughts of what

was, and what the future

may hold

when I think that I have

found solace and the

nuance of and old love

remenants of what my

heart holds dear appear

wishing this suffering

were to end, and it will

only end when I am

in your arms, safe with

you once more

the core of me stirs

at the mentions of

you and my spirit

embraces every new

moment I am fortunate

to have with you

who is before me

is not what my heart

enjoys, I have drowned

in these familar oceans

before…the torrents were

enveloping and unstable,

and the more passionate

the strokes were to free

myself…the more I was

swept away into beckoniing

waves

now that I have felt

firm shore, and the

gentle waves that

have carried me to it,

I have no desire to return

to the treacherous waters

that I know all too well

I have felt the warmth

of the sun after it being

hidden from me in murky

depths

I have embraced this

fledgling stablily as well

as the one that led me

to these healing waters

my mind has not grown

weary, but sharper as

I wonder in this new land

with renewed strength and

vision

I want the one

that has given me

such vigor and

passion, and desire

again, and I will

not settle for less.

-Jennifer Bush (now Harris) age 22–June 20, 2004

30 Days Of Jaye: Incarnate

to be such a restless

creature in the everyday

is one of the perplexing

thing of her

she is never content in

what she has, or what she

may want

she has a constant need

for more, there is an innate

drive within her depths that

even she at her core does not

fully understand

how could she?

ideas of how to be

faster, sleeker, smarter

than the rest rob her

of sleep, when all that

she desires is peace

that far-off foreign thing

an elusive bedfellow

to rest,

not sleep…just to rest

to have the world fall away

and her with it and into it

quiet of oblivion

longing for such a minute

and intimate thing

denied her for so long

for so long

the weight of baring such

strength has burdened her soul

fully, such things costing her the

softness that is possessed of her kin

to no longer fight for what

is rightfully hers to grasp and keep

 to breathe deep…and finally exhale

-JenniferBush (now Harris) age 23) November 10, 2004-personal canon

30 Days Of Jaye: Golden Girl

In looking at the date on this piece, my oldest daughter was born exactly 3 years later. I am humbled. –JBHarris

health and beauty

strength and love,

I have so many things given

to me and to be thankful for

now I’m wondering when my life

becomes mine, if my dreams,

faith and hopes are misplaced, when

will I truly be able to become

whom I was meant, for whom I was

meant for

I have lived for other

people and their dreams for me,

for the better part of my years,

more than I would want to remember

I have fulfilled my obligations as

as child and continue to do that daily

In essence, I have not begun to live yet. When will I?

I must make the

decision to step from my

comfort and dip into the unknown

to embrace the new and foreign

regardless of whom may think what…

I want the only opinion that matters to be mine

I have decided to take off this shroud

that I donned so willingly,

perhaps unwillingly for several years now…

I have stalled my growth in favor of

other’s happiness and comfort

at what cost?

At what cost?

Live in its true intent

and purpose is a journey

one that can be survived, so why fear?

I have all that I need within me

I am able to do all that I wish

with He that Is All

let the whispers and laughs come

let the doubts be raised,

I have oceans to see, stars to count…

I must live…by MY rules.

Jennifer Bush (now Harris) age 23) September 1, 2004– personal canon

30 Days Of Jaye: Over My Shoulder…Thank You

without you

I could never be who I am

I could never have seen

what I have seen

nor be able to find what

I sought through what seemed

like a never ending night

thank you for being my rock

and my morning star

thank you for being you

thank you for letting me be me

thank you for never leaving me

for embodying my wishes

for being my desire

for being my healing balm

and my spark…for being my ache

for giving me something to reach for and keep

thank you for telling me that I can

for telling me that never is not an option nor a possibility

thank you for being my love

for your love

thank you for taking my hand, when I didn’t want to walk

for holding me, when I couldn’t see

thank you for consoling me when the tears wouldn’t stop falling

and when they wouldn’t fall at all

thank you for seeing me, as I was, as I am and not changing me

For that, I love you…always…

My wish and my wanting hope is

when you need me,

and you look over your shoulder,  you’ll let me be there….

Jennifer Bush (now Harris) age 24) July 15, 2005

30 Days Of Jaye: No More

through countless prayers and

sleepless nights

against dense and soggy pillows

I have longed for you

given my all against rational reason

to none but you

all I was and all I had was you

and the fading promises and too often

whispered phrases that make women

frail and subject to their own folly

yet I feel no hatred

no misandry there

only sorrow…this lingering stench of want

when I had thought all of me

had been rebaptized and made whole

that stench, that wretched odor,

came upon me once more

and the wondering began, that wishing hunger

the wondering if this is really to be mine

again, the wishing hope that all I had

suffered was for this love, my love

the hunger of having it near me again

memories of this mock the mind

and quell the essential rhythms and

sheen to the eye

once the light of day

made new caresses the face and enlivens the blood

it brings all things back into focus

I have realized that I have tried to capture

the moon with a net, and the stars in jars

I have seen my err and forgiven myself for it…one day

now I must be ever

watchful of this and in this

he is not mine

he never will be again.

-Jennifer Bush (now Harris), 2005-personal canon

30 Days Of Jaye: Look, Truth

to become what I was

always wanted

to be as I have always wanted to become

to be honest within truth, with my own

truth…to be able and willing to

confess my sins before my heart

and look at what havoc concludes

the love that I have sought is

in my grasp, in my palm

I taste and relish it

yet I cannot have it

this is fault of my own on making

and of my own maintenance

I cry at the loss of it

I have walked away from it

through my own wisdom

knowing that if it is really mine

it will remain…even though I have no right

to ask it to wait,

through broken prayer I have made my peace

with it, what happens I will and must deal with it

to heal at all costs…that is my truth

-Jennifer Bush (now Harris), 2005