When They Call You A Writer…

When they call you a writer,

adjust your mouth and smile.

Record the questions which

flicker in the back of their eyes.

Keep you pen in your dominant hand,

keeping your eyes forward on either paper

or screen, be mindful of the mission ahead

of you, the past behind you, and the world

that wants to silence you.

Be mindful of truth.

Be aware of the lies.

Be aware that a pen does not spin…but always aimed.

Ink is your birthright,

language your purpose,

and you must weild both

with bravery, candor

and without apology.

When they call you a writer,

adjust your mouth and smile.

Record the questions that

flicker in the back of their eyes.

(c) Jennifer Bush-Harris, 11.18.2020

SABEM The Wrap Up- Feeling Like ‘Endgame’

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“Part of the journey is the end.”

-Anthony Edward ‘Tony’ Stark aka Iron-Man (Robert Downey, Jr.)

 

The Bible says, “Better is the end of a thing, than the beginning.” Here, I am inclined to agree. This part of my journey took twenty years. The guesstimation for a generation is about 20 years–18 is still considered and adult, legal and sentient. This portion of my life is over. I am now a dual-degreed and making my own way in the world. Radically believing in myself.

I had to fight the voices that come up with such celebration, wondering what other people would think of say. I had to remind myself these people do not matter! They will always have something to say. Partly because it’s me, the other part is people need something to talk about. Always. But I am in process of forgiving my own doubt, my own hesitations, or believing other people’s dream for my life rather than my own.

I understand what I am building, what I desire to do, will require tenacity, patience and care. I realize that there is a portion of me which will be out of step with the world around me; I will always have a tendency to see beyond what other people do. I had to become okay with a strange type of duality. I had to be okay with doing the practical and the magical!

The practical has the day job, pays bills, and is a bomb partner and spouse. The magical still dreams of making art, writing books, and sacrifices sleep to build the things she sees! The magical is so incredible that you will  chase after it–it is the pot of goal at the end of the rainbow. I am chasing the rainbow…and have caught one.

It is easy to go ahead and be angry, be mad, and lament for time lost. But, chose not to do that. I am choosing to celebrate today. I am choosing to make this a point of light and transition today. I am choosing to breathe deep and go forward. I will not entertain the madness of people who have no aspirations of their own. I will not feed in to the ideology of “You can’t eat with this degree.” I have found the thing my heart has longed to do, continues to do and needs to do.

The next stop, the next leg of the writer-teacher-scholar journey is graduate school. I am blessed to have started by professional network. I have a main mentor, whom looks like me. I have access to women whom can answer my questions, and point me towards organizations that I need to join or be aware of. I have been given opportunities to do what I have been graced to do–know to do. There is a power I have gleaned now which now allows me, frees me, to be both Alpha Femme, and a lady. This thing, this degree, is a polish. An addition to the uncovering of that which it is I want, and desire to do.

This is the end of a part, not the whole. The whole is still being revealed, still being shone, still processing–in sharper focus than it was before. The feeling of the insistent now, the restless now, is ebbing. It doesn’t gnaw as it did before. The bites aren’t as hard, my flesh not as fulfilling to the fears housed there. I am more the woman I was supposed be than I ever was. And now, right now, I can breathe deep. And wait for what’s next.

Something is already next.

I am a mother.

I am a writer.

I am a wife.

I am a creator.

I am a scholar.

I am an activist.

I am an oracle.

I am a teacher.

I am a warrior.

I am a survivor.

I am the mother of dragons–and I breathe fire.

On The Matter Of #7.

Image result for colin kaepernick

 

When I heard Kap would have try-outs this week, I was skeptical. Not because of his skill (the man is good!), but because of the pretense! I know Hue Jackson will be leading these try-outs, and I know 11 teams will be attending.

Okay. Cool. Bet.

My brother and I even talked about where we would like Kap to settle at!

With that said, I have a shaky joy about it. Do I want Kap to get a career, to do the thing that he desired to do-that he was paid well to do? Yes, yes I do. But, what I cannot shake are the optics. This doesn’t look right.

I know not everyone boycotted the NFL, just like not everyone didn’t boycott Netflix for Mo’Nique. The nation is in a second wave of a Civil Rights Movement. I know that, at present, Kap is and does occupy a unique spot:  pillar, figurehead, template.

Yes, I am aware that Eric Reid participated in the Anthem protests. I am aware there are other NFL players whom are aware of what it means to be monied, Black and male in this country. I know they get it. But how many lost their jobs over it? How many were willing to lose their jobs over it?

I’ll wait.

I am watching this closely. I have an uneasy peace about it. I want Kap to take his money, take his health, and just enjoy his life. I want him to not think he has to prove something. But, I also understand there is a need man to prove people wrong. To show people just why they where wrong about you. I can’t, I won’t, take that away from Kap.

The thing is this: I know when he get’s his shot, the problem doesn’t vanish.

When he gets his contract, he is still Black–and property–to the NFL.

Nothing is ‘solved’, nothing is over. Regardless of what Shawn Carter says, ‘the issue’ is not rectified, and there is no solution, aside from the dismantling of White Supremacy. Hiring Colin Kaepernick doesn’t solve ‘the issue’. It may even hedge and hide ‘the issue’ further.

I know Shawn is focused on the bag, and nothing else, so lemme help you.

‘The issue’ is police brutality, coupled with the willingness of White law enforcement officers to kill–not maim–unarmed African-American men. With the defense of, ‘I feared for my life.’

‘The issue’ is the fact a member of the National Football League–Colin Rand Kaepernick, #7–broke rank and dared to bring light to this issue; using the vessel of his celebrity and visibility to call attention to ‘the issue.’

‘The issue’ is professional football is a $2.3 billion juggernaut–whose owners are almost all White. These White men don’t want ‘their bag’ shortened, shorted by dissension in the ranks. Jerry Jones adopted this overseer mentality (which was probably there all along, frankly), saying ‘his players’ would be fined or cut if they decided to engage in the protest of ‘the issue.’

Make no mistake, I want Kap to win! He deserves to do that which he loves to do, we all do! But don’t lose sight of ‘the issue.’ There is not a big enough rug to hide, ‘the issue.’ There is not enough shenanigans AB can come up with, Mother Board outfits Cam Newton wears, or vapid, goofy facts Tom Brady can spout that will cover up ‘the issue!’

There are police officers in this nation whom kill unarmed Black men and women–with impunity. What is the use of visibility or celebrity if it cannot be wielded for the betterment of those whom remain and are unseen?

Someone needs to let Shawn know that we see, ‘the issue’; tell him when he gets done counting zeroes, we out here seeing cheeries we can’t eat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From The Crates: Destiny

Let me blow your mind for a minute:

Those of your that revere the called, the chosen the appointed of the Lord, to the point of envy, let me remind you of something. We are, they are, just as human as anyone else. We have frailties, issues, quirks and hang ups as well. We also are confronted with decisions of human and Kingdom importance on a daily basis. It is to the work of the Kingdom, yea our assignments, that we can and do continually die to what the world would have us cling to, remembering the Kingdom of God is at hand (Matt 6:33).

It is to the demand of our assigned positions that we must decide on a daily basis to continue to follow, serve, love, pray and impart. Ministry is not glamour. The call is not an accessory to your Bible bag. The assignment is not something that can be forwarded on to someone else. (Esther 4:14). Pray for those that serve. Pray for those you don’t always see serving. Pray that assignments are imparted clear and with power. Assist in capacities allotted for the work to continue. It is sometimes, for this call, yea, this assignment those which have been appointed say:

“DESTNY IS NOT OPTIONAL.”

In putting to death the things, visions, and people of the life WE designed and willed, gives God permission to stretch out and stand up in us that much more, being empowered for our assignments. For that cause, do we stand and say in tenacity, as the prophet Isaiah did, “Here I am Lord. Send me.”

Let me blow your mind for a minute:

Those of your that revere the called, the chosen the appointed of the Lord, to the point of envy, let me remind you of something. We are, they are, just as human as anyone else. We have frailties, issues, quirks and hang ups as well. We also are confronted with decisions of human and Kingdom importance on a daily basis. It is to the work of the Kingdom, yea our assignments, that we can and do continually die to what the world would have us cling to, remembering the Kingdom of God is at hand (Matt 6:33).

It is to the demand of our assigned positions that we must decide on a daily basis to continue to follow, serve, love, pray and impart. Ministry is not glamour. The call is not an accessory to your Bible bag. The assignment is not something that can be forwarded on to someone else. (Esther 4:14). Pray for those that serve. Pray for those you don’t always see serving. Pray that assignments are imparted clear and with power. Assist in capacities allotted for the work to continue. It is sometimes, for this call, yea, this assignment those which have been appointed say:

“DESTNY IS NOT OPTIONAL.”

In putting to death the things, visions, and people of the life WE designed and willed, gives God permission to stretch out and stand up in us that much more, being empowered for our assignments. For that cause, do we stand and say in tenacity, as the prophet Isaiah did, “Here I am Lord. Send me.”

#asyouwere

Written by Jennifer P. Harris, August 7, 2015