Every Girl Got A ‘Guerro’

Image result for guero and teresa

I came up on Queen of The South on a Netflix venture. And I am utterly hooked! I watched Season 1 over the course of 2-3 nights. And Veronica Falcon who plays Camilla Vargas?! She is so much of everything! She is the type of b!tch I need become! #Queenpin

But with that being said, and with me watching the end of Season 2 (spoiler alert!), I have one observation:  Guero is never going to be the man that Teresa needs him to be or become who she needs him to be. Why? These three reasons.

 

Timing. In my almost 40 years of living, what I have learned is that sometimes the deepest love comes at the worst possible time. He met Teresa while she was a money changer in Mexico. She was a moll, after she became his girl. He took care of her, and made her feel special. When he died, her life was in a tailspin. But, because of the woman she is, Teresa rebuilt herself, and worked for Camilla. The crazier part? Not only was he not dead, he was a federal informant.

This is why this is problematic.

Once Teresa had to deal with him dying; then coming back in her life, after being labeled a snitch?! I felt for her. I also felt for her when Camilla told her that he was ‘a mosquito that was draining life from you.” Yet, she loved him—but had to move on without him. Camilla told her she was better off without him. But this the rub. You know you have changed! Yet, in the tucks of your heart, this person is there. And a part of you may always want and miss them–to your detriment or betterment. The crapshoot is they may never see you as who you are going to become.

 

Support. Every time Guero showed up Teresa lost her focus. Her heart overruled her head. She wanted this life with him, but he wasn’t in the position to give her anything that would include! If I’m honest, I have been there more than once. It is frustrating to see a future with someone and then have it snatched away because they don’t seem to know what is they want–but don’t want you to change. It is the most infuriating thing on the planet! Don’t ask me to wait and then you can’t catch up.

 

Continuing. The most ignorant thing about this situation because time is still passing. Time is still a thing; it is blessed and unforgiving. At some end you have to realize that the what you want and the who you want with it may never be. I call this the ‘waking heartbreak’. You clearly are in pain, you know why it hurts, and the only way to make it go away is to keep going. You have to live, in love with this person, and living without them. Time heals all wounds is a myth. You begin to heal when you realize that time is irrespective of time. You can dwell on it (the lost, the time, the support), and nothing will change. Yet, time will go on. The moment you decide life is precious and wide and waiting for you, it will begin to change. That loss will not continue to be a loss–it’s a reminder your heart is still beating.

Your heartbeat is the homing signal that love will find you again.

 

 

Her Life On Land

I wish I was not haunted.

In the moving away

From what is, what was, or

What till be,

My heart has ceased to beat.

It is a feeling beyond loss…

Tears that source oceans

Of need, want and the

Discomforting quiet that

No one else can be him.

The ache is beyond the reach

Of reason,

Is impervious to counterfeit.

In the wake of the end,

There is this soft knowing

That none can be him.

In this ocean,

Among the depths swam

And yet to be swum in

This love, born beyond

Time, touched and coaxed

Through every affirmation

And every ‘I love you’,

I never want to come up

For air.

To be torn from him,

These depths become shallow.

Too shallow to breathe as

I had before.

Leaving him in depths

Known only to the him that is us.

Always the us.

As I head towards light,

His eyes follow.

I wish I was not haunted.

-(c) 2019, Janelle Fallon

[image from Wikihow.com–How To Draw A Mermaid]